(Mutters to self) I don't even know why i'm doing this. I don't even like the woman.
Happy Birthday Mother. Today is a special day and i wish you nothing but
plague and pestilence
hardships happy returns.
As i watch you shaving your mustache and plucking at your nasal hairs, i found myself extraordinarily grateful
that social services and Childline, have played a major part in my upbringing. Mother, and I use the term loosely, there will never be another like you. Which is probably a good thing as the human race would die out due to your energetic skills as a sloth.
You are not perfect, no one is...oh yes, apart from me of course, but you have given me
anger issues much love and patience and i am happy that you have chosen me as your child...for no one else would have you.
Happy Birthday Mother, and i wish you
dead a wonderful day.