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(Mutters to self) I don't even know why i'm doing this. I don't even like the woman.
Happy Birthday Mother. Today is a special day and i wish you nothing but plague and pestilence
many hardships happy returns.
As i watch you shaving your mustache and plucking at your nasal hairs, i found myself extraordinarily grateful
that social services and Childline, have played a major part in my upbringing. Mother, and I use the term loosely, there will never be another like you. Which is probably a good thing as the human race would die out due to your energetic skills as a sloth.
You are not perfect, no one is...oh yes, apart from me of course, but you have given me anger issues much love and patience and i am happy that you have chosen me as your child...for no one else would have you.
Happy Birthday Mother, and i wish you dead a wonderful day.
Spawn.
You're lucky you're at home because you have a hospital appointment. Let's just make sure that you won't be attending for other reasons.
ReplyDeleteHappy Birthday Miss Lily. . . .
DeleteHappy Birthday, Lily!
DeleteAnd what a lovely, heartfelt, utterly sweet birthday sentiment from you, Spawn! Brings a tear to my eye. :-)
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DeleteMother, meh!
DeleteRob Z,i'll pass on the message. She's in the bathroom shaving her man beard.
That's what i though dysfunctionalite but she just threatened to punch me in the esophagus.
Oi Spawn, your reply button isn't working properly!
DeleteThanks Mr Z and Kelly. Btw, I do NOT have a man beard but I did admit to punching him in the esophagus. It's just my way of saying, I love you.
DeleteWhat lovely thoughtful words, from a son to his dear old mother :)
ReplyDeleteSee mother, someone else thinks you're old. And she still didn't pay me the £5.
DeleteIf anyone has any doubts as to if this is what Spawn really sounds like, then just ask Ms Holley who has had her fair share of having to deal with him over the years.
DeleteSpawn, whatevs.
Oh my word! Happy Birthday Lily and Well done Mr Megolas sir!
ReplyDeleteIf only i could a card like this in Clintons!
Thank you Bumferry Hogart. I have patented the words and will be selling them as cards at the discount price of one million pounds!
DeleteMr H, don't listen to him. He can't even pick his dirty underpants off the floor, let alone start a lucrative business selling cards.
DeleteHappy Birthday Lily, Spawn is such a dear. I know how proud you are...really.
ReplyDeleteI am proud of myself for putting up with her for so long Mis Anthropy.
DeleteEr...um...nope, can't argue with him there Donna.
DeleteDr Who posts never get this much reaction. That cannot be right, when is Dr Who's birthday . . . . does he have a birthday I assume he was born rather than created by critters.
ReplyDelete