Whovians Enter Here...

Whovians Enter Here...

3 April 2015

A-Z Of Monsters And Villains - File C: Cybermen


The third file in this series of A-Z posts, features the Cybermen.
The Cybermen are a race of highly intelligent but emotionless cyborgs from the planet Mondas, Mondas being the twin to Earth.
Overtime, as the bodies of the inhabitants of Mondas grow weak, their Cybernetic scientists devise a way for them to survive. And thus all humans apart from their brains, are converted within a machine casing and all emotions, (which are seen as being negative) are removed. With all sentiment now eliminated, the Cybermen's only goal becomes to convert or destroy.

And so I bring to you and all your metal friends, the ultimate pictorial guide on planning a classic invasion.

STEP 1: Land on Earth using a small spacecraft so as to not attract too much attention.
Your home planet is dying and so you need the Earth as a new home-world. An arctic base in the south pole will be a good starting point. But remember that is quite cold there, so do not forget your Balaclavas. If you do not have a balaclava, a pair of tan coloured tights will do just as well. You will also need a massive metal lamp to place on the top of your head, possibly to add height, and to give you light to see in the dark.

STEP 2: Attack the Moon with tin spaceships. Get imprisoned on the ice planet of Telos and at the same time, get yourself a new and updated look. Cybermen do not eat food but adding a cheese grater to your chest and black feeding tubes to your outfit, will complete that new Cybernetic style, which will be the envy of aliens everywhere. Oh, and get imprisoned again.

Building a Cyberman's Spaceship using a Mr Kipling's foil casing.

STEP 3: London is notoriously cold, so after failing to attack a ship in deep space and becoming completely incoherent, zip up your silver jacket, strap on your cheese graters and climb out of the sewers of London to do absolutely nothing but walk around for a bit before being killed,

Enjoy a Swedish Massage. After all, the fun times won't last for long
STEP 4: Go to drama school, gain a deep booming voice, try to wipe out all life on Earth with a space freighter...then with Halley's comet...and then with a living statue called Nemesis.

"We Meet Again...Doctor"
An actual line from 1982's "Earthshock"

I was wrong, more fun times for the Cybermen in "Silver Nemesis" 1988
STEP 5: Repeat step 4 but this time, try using Cybermen from a different region. How about...Jamaica perhaps?

Then when you are finished, your classic reign will be over, you will all be dead and you will have achieved absolutely nothing.

Your Lord and Master


  1. Heehee, Enjoyed this one. Well done.

    1. I do not need your encouragement woman.

    2. You do know that people who don't know the true nature of our relationship, will take that comment seriously? So it's probably a good thing that I don't like you enough to care. ;P

    3. I am inserting a smiley face, to denote that I find your comment witty. *inserts smiley face to denote that I find mater's comment witty. :) There. I have inserted the smiley face to denote that I have found your comment witty.

    4. *Sighs* Where did I go wrong? Oh yeah, at the moment of conception...

  2. I must remember to buy some Mr Kiplings at the weekend!
    Keep up these posts.
    Loving your work!

    1. You need to try the Hoppy Easter Lemon Bakewells, they're exceedingly good.

      Thanks again Bumferry.

  3. HA! They are a Silver Nemesis with an aversion to gold jewelry.

    1. But they can work a cheese grater like no one else.

  4. Those Cybermen were about before cyberspace was. Now that is suspicious and thats for sure. I must admit I thought they were rubbish but they keep coming back.

    But the Doctor always beats them, which is why they tend to say FOILED AGAIN rather a lot.

    HAH AHAH ahah a ha ha ha ha ha hah ah ah ahahha ha h aha ha haha ha ha ha ha ha Foiled Again. Here is that dance they are doing the CAN CAN

    HA HAHAhahahha ahah OK I'll go :)

    1. Rob, the Cybermen are as useless as they come. They turn up, threaten deletion or an upgrade, wander around for a bit, then get destroyed, only to do the same thing all over again. I'm not sure if it's boredom that keeps them coming back time after time (and space) to convert the population. They should probably invest in some board games.

  5. The Cybermen are one of those great Who monsters that was always fun and still can be used today.

    Though I have to admit when the writers in the 60s wrote about the Cyberman invasion of 1984 I doubt they thought the show would still be on then.

    1. Unfortunately, I don't think that they use the current Cybermen to the best of their abilities. Though they can fly now, which is a bonus.